Tuesday, March 6, 2007

no easy way of putting it...

Because I posted that we were expecting our second child, instead of leaving any readers wondering about that journey, here's an update from my journal:

My heart was broken when I saw the picture of my baby that wasn’t growing, whose heart was no longer beating. I sank low, deep into the pit of grief and loss. The tears came. But the tears were not all my own. There’s something healing about two broken hearts grasping each other and not letting go. What an extension of God’s hand, KC was to me, and I pray I served the same for him.

What an experience, like none I’ve known. A pain I’ve never felt, a foreign feeling of loss and grief – deep in my head and deep in my bones. But through these tears, emerged a thankfulness and newness for the life that’s been given to me, the beautiful life surrounding me now. My strong, supportive, loving husband – my precious little boy so full of life and joy: how do I deserve even this? How, God, have you allowed me to experience even these two amazing gifts as my own blood?

My heart beats with thankfulness – and while the pain of our loss is not gone, the healing that has deepened in our souls has changed me into someone whose eyes have been opened to see such blessing, that I have no right to own, here in my home, here in my arms. And to think that when we get to see our Savior, we’ll embrace this beloved child that once we lost.


Chris/ty said...

Ker - You have been in my thoughts and prayers. I am so thankful that God gave you some joy in this time of grief. My heart aches with you.

I cannot get over how adorable Colson is - He looks so joyful!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Charis2105 said...

Your attitude in this tough time is remarkable, and I am proud to call you a sister in Christ.

Keep pouring your love into the two boys God has already given you.

By the way, Colson is huge!
What happened to the little baby in the belly pack at soccer practice? Ha!

I love you guys and will be praying for you!

Joanne said...

I'm crying with you and praying for you.

Daylan said...

oh ker, i had no idea. it's horrible to hear of such things over the internet, but i suppose there is no other option. you will be in my prayers. thanks for the all the encouraging words you have given me. i love you.

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